“Lookin’ for love in all the wrong places, Lookin’ for love in too many faces, Searchin’ their eyes, looking’ for traces Of what I’m dreaming of … Hopin’ to find a friend and a lover I’ll bless the day I discover, another heart, looking for love.”
-Johnny Lee, “Looking for Love” Lyrics
“Where are all the nice guys?” “Where are the stable girls?” I have been asked these questions a lot recently. This is not a new question for people, and it even dates back to biblical times. Solomon asks in Proverbs 31: 10: “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” Today we wonder the same thing: Where can I find love?
I have talked to many friends who have expressed the difficulty in finding a person worth dating. Most everyone would agree that a loving relationship with a special person is something that they desire. In contrast, finding love is not as fun, and can often feel like a wasted endeavor. Add to this the distorted view of “love” portrayed in mainstream television, cinema and music… No wonder the younger generations are left standing alone trying to decipher text messages in order to find a future with someone.
With all the benefits of a loving, stable relationship (including the lesser known ones such as lower stress), I think we can all agree that it is still worthwhile to make an effort towards finding love — even through the potential misery of casual dating and “putting yourself out there” to meet new people.
Because the purpose of dating is to find love and marriage, the best advice on the matter comes from consulting God, the inventor of it.
Here are some of the qualities God sees as important in defining a Godly Man and Woman. These traits are very important if you are looking for long-term love. Most Christians have heard of “the Proverbs 31” woman, an excellent passage on the description of “The Wife of Noble Character”. I encourage all women to read this passage and strive to be this type of woman. Because this passage is so popular, I would like to expose some other verses from God’s word that one might miss about the qualities of godly men/women. These are what single women and men should be looking for in a mate.
- blameless walk (Psalm 15)
- does what is righteous (Psalm 15)
- speaks truth from his heart (Psalm 15)
- no slander on his tongue (Psalm 15)
- does neighbor no harm (Psalm 15)
- honors those who fear the Lord (Psalm 15)
- despises a vile man (Psalm 15)
- keeps his oath even when it hurts (Psalm 15)
- lends his money without usury (Psalm 15)
- does not accept bribe against innocent (Psalm 15)
- temperate (1 Timothy 3:2)
- self-controlled (1 Timothy 3:2)
- respectable & hospitable (1 Timothy 3:2)
- not given to drunkenness (1 Timothy 3:2)
- gentle (1 Timothy 3:2)
- women of respect (1 Timothy 3:11)
- not malicious talkers (1 Timothy 3:11)
- temperate (1 Timothy 3:11)
- trustworthy (1 Timothy 3:11)
- reverent in how they live (Titus 2: 1)
- not slanderers (Titus 2:1)
- not addicted to wine (Titus 2:1)
- self controlled & pure (Titus 2: 5)
- busy at home (Titus 2: 5)
- kind (Titus 2:5)
- Wise (Proverbs 14:1)
- all of Proverbs 31’s descriptions
Romantic comedies emphasize the feeling you need to be searching for rather than the character you need to be looking for. Society tells us to look for outward qualities in men such as strong, handsome, rich, powerful, etc., I would say it is more important to search for the inward qualities of a godly man. What kind of integrity does the man have when no one is looking? How does he treat people, including family & friends? Also, even though society tells us to look for a woman who is skinny/fit, made-up, popular, “easy”, etc., it is more important to look for a woman with character. Can the woman you are dating be trusted? Does she respect herself and you? Outer beauty fades with time….When looks go away, can you relate on a deeper level?
If you have not come across someone with godly characteristics, spend your time working on growing godly characteristics in yourself — this is what will attract the type of mate best for you. Practice getting to know people you admire and take note of what you admire about them. As Andy Stanley often says “Be the kind of person the person you are looking for is looking for”. My mom has great advice on this matter as well. She says “you attract the type of person you are”. When we look for qualities in a potential mate that are enduring and biblical, we are looking for love in all the right places.